[	mood	|	blah	]
[	music	|	A Perfect Circle - Blue	]

I figured I'd better update since Kat asked if I was dead.
I attended graduation a couple of days ago (or maybe it was yesterday, I have no sense of time,) and let me tell you, it was nothing like my graduation! There were so many people, and it took sooo long. I graduated a semester early, and only 32 people graduated then, total. Of those, only 28 walked the stage. I think there were 300+ in the graduating class this time around, though I'm not sure because I wasn't paying any attention and am bad at estimation. That's not including the dead girl who graduated. Some girl who was in the graduating class of 1983 got in a fatal accident before she was able to receive her diploma, and the school presented her parents with a replica of a 1983 diploma with their daughter's name on it. That's a nice gesture and all... but why they heck did it take them so long to get around to it? I sat with Matt and he and I made fun of the speakers. It was nice to watch my friends receive their diplomas, though. I'm proud of you guys! I saw Alex lean over and whisper something to our principal, and David tells me that he said "I'm not wearing any pants." If that's the case, then it's extremely awesome! After the ceremony was over I went with my parents to get ice cream at Marble Slab, then Megan and Brant called to ask if I was coming to Megan's house for cake. Megan's cake said "Megan - Holy crap! You graduated!" which I thought was pretty funny. After that we all went to McDonalds and then to Project Grad, which is a big school-thrown graduation party. I couldn't get in because someone would have had to list me as their guest, and I didn't bother to ask anyone to do so. Oh well, not a big deal. Our school is so anal.
My grandmother spent the weekend with us, which I hate. I love my grandmother and all, but she acts like a five year old and smells like death. Furthermore, we have no guest room, so I'm stuck either sleeping with her in my own bed or sleeping on the couch. I chose couch. I also changed my sheets after she left so that my bed didn't smell like a nursing home. Whenever mom is making dinner, grandmother always takes it upon herself to make the drinks... even when she doesn't know what any of us want to drink.
Example: "Hunny I didn't know what you wanted [and was apparently too senile to wait 10 seconds for a chance to ask] so I just made you a glass of water."
Why can't I have a grandmother like Joshie's, who watches Kill Bill and says "That was pretty damn exciting!"?
Speaking of geriatrics, one of my fishies died today from old age. I'm now two fish short, and I want to replace them. I'm waiting until I find some really lovely bettas though, I'm not getting just any ol' generic blue or red fish. I think I'll go tomorrow and ask the pet shop if they can order in some giant plakat bettas, because I'd give my left arm to own one of those... and probably my right, too.

[	mood	|	restless	]
[	music	|	Clovers - Love Potion Number 9	]

I ended up hung over after a bit too much of my miracle headache remedy. I only weigh 98 pounds, so alcohol and I don't mix too well. I've learned that I'll be left out at crazy drunken college parties, because as soon as I really start to feel any effect I get nauseous. That's one feeling I simply cannot stand! I guess I'll have to stop after about one glass of wine from now on... how depressing.
I got bored and drew something, yay. I didn't finish it, so he lacks an arm and any chest definition. Love him:

This is just a tedt to see h0w well I can typye at this point. i'm not presing dielete, and tying to type the best I can avter three glasss of wine. Ok, I obviously went a little overbord after the fist one. I'm laughing at my own inability to type. Myeah, i thinkg I'll sdtop before I embarass myself now.

Edit: Too late.

[	mood	|	tipsy	]
[	music	|	Josh Groban - Canto Alla Vita	]

I tell you, nothing gets rid of my headaches better than a glass of wine. I took four Advil, and that did absolutely nothing... I think I'm immune to them now. But after that wine, I'm feeling much better. I'm not sure if it's because the alcohol has thinned my blood or because I'm so tipsy that I simply can't feel the pain anymore. Either way, I'm happy. This junk tastes like rubbing alcohol, though. Leave it to my parents to buy the shit that comes in a box. It's rather sad that one glass has an effect on me, but give me a break people; I only weight 98 pounds.

I might be getting a dead kitten in a jar! How cool is that?! I told Megan to ask my old (and her current) Biology teacher, Mr. Gibson, if I could have one of the kittens they found inside one of the cats they dissected. He requested a note from either her or my mother saying that it was ok. That's odd, considering that he did nothing of the sort when I took a cat skin home with me in my backpack, but oh well. My mom thinks it's gross, but has nothing against my having one.
"It's a science thing, I guess," is all she had to say about it. Science shmience, I just think it would be neat to have a kitten in a jar.

I've been giving questionable advice to a friend of mine on TeenFX. Here is the link to her article and my replies, if anyone cares to read. She's amazingly articulate, and I'm sure she'll get a book deal for her life story some day *lol*.

Almost forgot. I didn't get that drawing tablet I was watching, since there's no way in hell I'm going to pay $280 for a tablet I saw go for $70 last week. This auction included an extra pen, the software cds, and all that good stuff... but I don't actually need any of that, and am not willing to pay $210 extra for it. I'm watching a few more auctions now, and hopefully I'll have better luck with those.

[	mood	|	hungry	]
[	music	|	Filter- Take a Picture	]

Recent news first, followed by a blog survey thing I stole from Tristan:
Yesterday I walked into my computer room to discover that my betta named Afriel -- who is my favourite -- was floating on his side at the top of the tank. He was alert and everything, he just couldn't seem to swim upright. It looked like swimbadder disorder to me, which I have no medication for. All the pet shops were closed at that time, so I couldn't run out and get him any medication. In most cases, the condition will clear up if you just don't feed the fish for a couple of days, so there was nothing I could do but wait. As alert and active as he was, I was convinced he was going to recover... but it was not to be. This morning I found him dead, tangled in his plant. He had apparently tried to anchor himself to the bottom by hiding under the plant during the night. However, he got stuck and, due to the swimbladder disorder, was unable to wiggle free to surface for air. Bettas get the majority of their air straight from the surface so, in short, my fish drowned. He's the fish whose picture is on the link at the bottom of the page... It's always my favourite that dies in some bizarre way. It sucks, because he's also the one I've had the longest.
But enough sad stuff... on to the neutral. I went to Walmart today to get some groceries (ramen, mmm) and maybe get a betta to fill Afriel's empty tank. Walmart didn't get a fish shipment last week, so they're down to the last pitiful survivors now... including the betta with only one eye. If he stays there much longer, I'll be forced to buy him out of pity. I saw several people I know while I was there, which was pretty cool.

And now, a survey all about me because I'm bored:

[ Name ]: Samantha Jo Simms (No, Jo is not short for anything. Mom thought "Josephine" would make it just too darn long.)
[ Resides in ]: Nacogdoches, Texas USA... I was only going to put my state at first, but then I remembered that my city is written on my Yahoo profile, so what the hell.
[ Good student? ]: High B average. I could do better, but I'm much too lazy to put forth the effort.
[ Eyes ]: Hazel.
[ Hair ]: Naturally dusty blonde, but dyed a brighter blonde. I'd be too lazy to dye my hair if my mom hadn't started dying it when I was about 10, and now it looks crappy when the colour starts to grow out. I tried to dye it darker once and it turned orange.
[ Shoe size ]: 7 - 7½

Last time you...
[ Had a nightmare ]: I don't really have nightmares... I guess about two years ago?
[ Said "I love you" and meant it ]: Yesterday.
[ Ate at McDonald's ]: A few months ago, I guess. I loathe McDonald's.
[ Dyed your hair ]: Last week.
[ Brushed your hair ]: An hour ago.
[ Washed your hair ]: This morning.
[ Cried ]: A few weeks ago?
[ Called someone ]: It has been a while... I don't talk on the phone much.
[ Smiled ]: Now.
[ Laughed ]: Daily.
[ Talked to an ex ]: Yesterday.

Do You...
[ Smoke? ]: No, not really.
[ Do drugs? ]: Nope.
[ Have sex? ]: Yes, but not all too often *lol*
[ Sleep with stuffed animals? ]: ...How do you mean?? O_o
[ Have a dream that keeps coming back? ]: Yes.
[ Play an instrument? ]: I played the piano for a year, but not anymore.
[ Believe there is life on other planets? ]: Yes. Why would Earth be the only planet with life?
[ Have any straight friends? ]: Yes... Tristan, did you change this from "Have any gay friends?"?? Oh well, yes either way.
[ Consider love a mistake? ]: Never.
[ Like the taste of alcohol? ]: Yep... This could cause problems in the future.
[ Believe in God? ]: In a very broad sense. I think everything in the universe is loosly connected to form one giant nonsentient entity.
[ Pray? ]: No.
[ Go to church? ]: No. I used to go with my grandmother every now and then when I was very young, but I always ended up falling asleep.
[ Have any secrets? ]: Not really. I only keep secrets from my family!
[ Have any pets ]: Several. My house is a zoo.
[ Wear hats? ]: God I love hats. I haven't worn any recently because it's just too darn hot.
[ Have any piercings? ]: 17.
[ Have any tattoos? ]: Not yet. I plan to design my own.
[ Hate yourself? ]: No.
[ Have an obsession? ]: Yes, check the "About Me" section ^_^.
[ Have a secret crush? ]: No.
[ Collect anything? ]: Pena statues... I want to start a skull collection.
[ Have a best friend? ]: Yeah, sure.
[ Like your handwriting? ]: My henscratch? I like it because it's quirky, not because it's particularly pretty.
[ Have any bad habits? ]: Being ruder than is required to people who randomly message me on Yahoo.
[ Care about looks? ]: No.
[ Boy/girlfriend's looks? ]: No.
[ Friends and other people? ]: Nope.

Current:
[ Dress ]: Silky shmoove nylon pajamas.
[ Mood ]: Blah.
[ Make-up ]: A little eyeliner I didn't bother to wash off from earlier.
[ Hair ]: Um... there? A little past my shoulders...
[ Annoyance ]: Stupidity.
[ Smell ]: Maple syrup.
[ Book ]: Don't read as often as I'd like.
[ Fingernail Color ]: Buffed and shiny.
[ Refreshment ]: Big Red (Mmmm, I can feel my organs melting.)

Last Person:
[ You Touched ]: I hugged my dog a second ago... hey, she counts as a person! A tiny, very hairy person.
[ You Talked to ]: Currently chatting online to some idiot I don't know, and said goodnight to my mom earlier.
[ You Yelled At ]: Parents, because they can't seem to have a discussion with me without yelling, so I have to raise my voice to be heard above them.
[ You Had A Crush On ]: Brianna.
[ You Were In Love With ]: Nis.

[	mood	|	annoyed	]
[	music	|	Train - Meet Virginia	]

I was about to update my blog when all of a sudden my internet connection went down. It has been doing that at least three times a week lately. I know it's satellite and therefore prone to being shitty, but give me a break! I live out of the city limits and they have yet to run cable lines out to my house... so it's either satellite internet or 56k dialup, and God knows the former is better, even if it does disconnect every time it rains. Lately, though, it has been going down when there's not a cloud in the sky. I assume this is due to problems at the network operations center. In my mind, I envision some incompetent moron spilling coffee on the server.

Anyhow... last night I bought a copy of "What Dreams May Come" from Ebay for about $5.00, including shipping. What a great movie! I would have just rented it, but I imagine Hastings doesn't have it anymore, as they tend to get rid of movies that don't get rented often. People have no taste in films, so I'm sure no one ever rents "What Dreams May Come". Prices on Ebay reflect this as well, since you couldn't really get "Scary Movie 2" for less than $15.00, yet all copies of "What Dreams May Come" were going for less than $10.00... and most were less than $7.00. DVDs too, not VHS. I think I'll be buying "But I'm a Cheerleader" sometime soon, since that's another good movie that Hastings no longer carries.

I installed the Sims on my laptop since my desktop computer refuses to play it. It worked just dandy for about a day, then all of a sudden it has begun crashing and freezing like it did on my desktop computer. I need to find out what is doing that... I think maybe I have a glitchy character that crashes the game every time it tries to come visit someone? It only crashes when I'm playing at a house, not in Studio Town, Vacation Island, Downtown, or Old Town. Christ, I'm such a nerd.

My fishy named Tabris has shredded his caudal fin. It doesn't look like finrot, but I'm medicating him anyway. I have no idea how he did that unless he's just nipping at his own tail. His tank doesn't have a plant in it or anything, so there's nothing he could have snagged it on... I hope he gets better instead of just rotting away like some of my past fish did.

This shall (hopefully) soon be mine! My mom said she's willing to buy it for me so long as the price doesn't get too incredibly high. I drew a comic about this situation:

[	mood	|	content	]
[	music	|	Blue Sub 6 - Mi na Soko ni Nemure	]

I haven't updated in a while, but I don't think this is going to be a very big update either. This Thursday Megan and I went to eat lunch at Quiznos. I got the club sandwich with bacon, which was really freakin' good. Afterwards we went to look at the DDR machine... not play, just look... and then stopped by the petshop. Later I made mom go to the petshop with me so I could actually get a few things *lol*
We got a chocolate chip starfish, a coral banded shrimp, a snail (I forgot what kind,) and a neon velvet damsel fish for the saltwater tank. I also picked up a pretty pastel female betta with extremely long fins for a female. She has a bite out of her tail because she was in a tank with newts, but that'll grow back *lol*

[	mood	|	okay	]
[	music	|	Garbage - Number One Crush	]

Today I had another horrible headache. I get them a lot sometimes. I know why that is, but I won't give specifics because I know you people hate hearing about that kind of thing. Let's just say that I hate being female.

So I'm thinking of breeding my bettas again... one of my girly fish is so cute:


Also, Megan and I are morbid:

cybele: we're dissecting cats..the kittens inside one of them were cute =didsomebodyspikethepunch: i want a cute little kitty! if you put them in jars they stay cute forever ^_^

"Random Image of the Day" is no longer of the day. It was just too much trouble to save all those images and host them on Photobucket... so now I'll just update it whenever I find something particularly interesting.

[	mood	|	laughing so hard i can't breathe	]
[	music	|	Malice Mizer - Illuminati	]

I just had one of the funniest Yahoo conversations of my life. I've spoken to this guy many times before, and just lost my patience today. I'm DidSomebodySpikeThePunch:

Now... maybe I shouldn't be so mean to these people, but this guy just keeps on messaging me even when I've told him that I have no interest in speaking to him or meeting him in person, as he has asked me to do several times before. The easiest solution would be to put him on ignore, but then I wouldn't have the pleasure of telling him just how much I hate him. I'm a cynical bitch, I know. But hey, if someone insists on bothering me, I'm going to give them my honest opinion about them.


I got another betta at Walmart today, and I only bought him because he's a freak. He's not even pretty... he's just missing his ventral fins entirely. It doesn't look like they were torn off or anything, they just never existed in the first place. This is what generations and generations of inbreeding produces, folks *lol*. I named him Ruya'il:

I'm off to Walmart to check out the bettas. Wish me luck! I'll make a real post when I return.

[	mood	|	blank	]
[	music	|	Heather Nova - Gloomy Sunday	]

I made a comment on Kat's blog post titled "a . s i c k . n e w . l o w". You'll have to check out her blog to understand what I'm talking about in this post, since I don't feel like writing a summation. My comment is rather irrelevant considering that Kat had already articulated the same ideas ten times better than I did, but I couldn't help but reply after reading David's comment. It seems to me that David is incapable of viewing the events from an impersonal perspective, and in doing so is actually perpetuating the same frame of mind that fueled the beheading of an innocent man in the first place. One sentence in particular struck me:



Now... First of all, the murder of Nicholas Berg was hardly random. He was a semi-random victim, chosen only for his nationality, but the murder itself was not a random act. The events which spurred it were made clear. The abusive acts performed by the American soldiers were much closer to being random than Berg's beheading was, thought I'm going to assume there was a cause, however insignificant. Secondly, who is to decide who does and does not "sincerely deserve" to die? I'm opposed to the death penalty in most cases, and that very question is one of the major reasons why.
Another comment David made was that Kat only calls it justified because she doesn't know Berg personally and is therefore emotionally distant from the situation. Emotional distance is not a bad thing. The logical mind can pause and reflect on the motivations of others in order to understand the duality of every situation, while the emotional soul cannot. Emotion is anything but logical. I know myself very well, and so can say with great confidence that, even if Berg were a family member of mine, I would still have an understanding of the motivation behind the murder. My emotional side would certainly have a great hatred for those who beheaded him, but I am almost always able to keep my logical side in control.

As it is now, Berg being a stranger to me, I am not angered. Instead, I just feel a great sadness for the unfortunate chain of events that led to the death of an innocent man. I have seen the unedited version of the video, so I am well aware of the full gravity of the act. I swear, ignorance is the cause of every ill.

[	mood	|	sleepy	]
[	music	|	Tatiana Bulanova - Mertvie Tsveti	]

I've finished redesigning the blog! YAY! It only took about ten hours!! Of course, I'm easily distracted, so only two hours or so of that time was actually spent editing. David randomly messaged me earlier today saying that my blog was horribly aligned... at which point I discovered that it doesn't display properly on Mozilla Firefox. I'm told that this is because Mozilla isn't WC3 compliant. I don't use it, and if you're one of the people who do, you can lick my non-existent (though enormous) cock. I'm now convinced that Mozilla is Satan, since I know several people who went through hell trying to get their webpages to display correctly on it. I don't care enough to go through all that, so you crazy Mozilla-using people -coughDavidcough- will just have to grin and bear it... or, you know, stop reading my blog. Also, the Blogspot banner that is hidden on my page when viewed with Internet Explorer is visible in Opera. Oh well.

The song I'm currently listening to is completely awesome. Awesome like "Sharkey's Day" by Laurie Anderson is awesome... only Russian.
I don't really have anything important to rant about and it's 7:00AM, so I think I'll hit the hay. Toodles!

I've begun redesigning my blog, obviously, but I'm too exhausted to finish tonight. It'll be more colour-coordinated tomorrow.

[	mood	|	lethargic	]
[	music	|	Ani DiFranco - Going Once	]

Blogspot.com changed its layout and whatnot, yay! I'm still a little confused since I'm used to the old system, but I like the colours much better now, at least. I'll be changing the look of my blog soon (when I get off my lazy bum and get motivated) so that the theme matches the title, "Arsenic Tea".
Um... not much happened today. I picked blackberries in the rain, the sunset was amazing but I forgot to take a picture, and I returned a few videos to the rental place.
Also: Dinosaur shows on the discovery channel. That's all I have to say.

[	mood	|	blah	]
[	music	|	ATC - Around the World	]

I wanted some salsa. Very badly did I want this salsa. Would this salsa open? Noooo.
I suck at opening jars, since I have zero upper body strength... so I decided that maybe it was vacuum sealed and I'd use my "stab a hole in the lid with a large knife" trick. That didn't work, so I stabbed it a few more times. I was beginning to get frustrated, so I thought that maybe it was best to hit the thing with a hammer and just broke the lid open. It was only after I completely maimed the thing that it gave in to my brute strength and let me twist the cap off. This is what is left of the old lid... luckily we had some extras.

Edit: That's not salsa on the lid, it's the lid's blood:

[	mood	|	in blinding pain	]
[	music	|	Silence	]

Today's post and Picture of the Day postponed thanks to a hellish migraine.

Bold the ones that apply:

01.When I was younger I made some bad decisions. (Don't we all?)
02. I don't watch much TV these days.
03. I love psychodelic mushrooms.
04. I love sleeping.
05. I have loads of books, but I don't really read any of them..
06. I once slept in a toilet.
07. I love playing video games.
08. I adore marijuana.
09. I watch porn movies, but not really.. (Not so much movies as Kazaa video clips.)
10. I watch them with my father.
11. I like sharks.
12. I love spiders.
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair.
14. I like George Bush.
15. People are cool. (...On occasion.)
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I have jacuzzi and a Porsche.
18. I have a lot to learn. (Somewhat applies... it depends on what we're talking about.)
19. I carry my knife everywhere with myself.
20. I'm really really smart.
21. I've broken someone's bones.
22. I have a secret. (Kinda. Not really, since I'll tell anyone if they know the right questions to ask.)
23. I hate snow.
24. I drink only milk.
25. Punk rock rules.
26. I hate Bill Gates!
27. I love chinese food.
28. I would hate to be famous.
29. I'm not a morning person.
30. I wear glasses. (Only when I'm too lazy to put in contacts.)
31. I don't need glasses.
32. I have potential.
33. I'm pure Japanese.
34. My legs are two different sizes.
35. I have a twin.
36. I wear a padded bra. Otherwise I don't have boobs. (I don't have boobs with one, either. I don't specifically buy padded bras, as I have absolutely no problem with my breast size... it just seems that all the bras which comfortably fit a 34A are padded. Is the industry trying to tell me something? Am I supposed to be insecure about my size?)
37. I can ramble on about absolutely nothing. (Nothing and anything, baby.)
38. I'm left handed.
39. I hate llamas, but I'm one of them.
41. I suck at climbing, but I love it anyway.
42. People hate me usually. (God I hope not, but I'll bold it just incase O.o)
43. I love pop music.
44. I hardly ever go to bed before midnight.
45. I hate parking fines. (I haven't gotten one, but I assume I'd hate them.)
46. I know the national anthem by heart.
47. I know more than two languages.
48. I spend too much time on my computer. (Pfft, no such thing.)
49. I often want to throw the computer out the window.
50. I live on a ground floor.
51. I don't like chocolate.
52. I'd like to be more original.
53. I've lied. (*Snicker*)
54. Cocks are my favorite birds. (I love cocks.)
55. I want to conquer the world.
56. I wonder what happens when you die. (Only for basic curiosity's sake. I don't spend my nights awake worrying about it.)
57. I've read all Harry Potter books.
58. Eat your dog! (The hot kind.)
59. I love to exercise.
60. I hate chemistry with a passion.
61. I love to write.
62. I like changes.
63. I hate going to class (I hate going there, not being there.)
64. I am afraid to die.
65. I hate dish washing.
66. My hair is long, brown, and incredibly curly.
67. My nails are nine inch long. (Not quite, but I'm working on it.)
68. My favorite color is black.
69. I like to sleep on the floor.
70. I am hopeless at cooking.
71. I sucked my thumb when I was little.
72. I should be doing something else rather than writing this. (Sleeping.)
73. I'm online but not MSN.
74. I hate government.
75. I am involved. (In government, or just life in general?)
77. I love to read, I read as much as I can. Though I never have time.
78. I don't trust newspapers.
79. I like arguing.
80. I don't like the person whom I've become.
81. I clean my room once a month. (If we're lucky.)
82. I'm scared of American fast food.
83. I am prying open my third eye.
84. I love Mozambique.
85. I don't trust any religion. (...At least not more than any other.)
86. I used to play with Barbies because all the other girls were doing it. (I made my Jurassic Park dinosaur figurines eat them.)
87. I wanted to be a super hero when I was little.
88. I like listening to wind chimes.
89. I'm very disorganized. (In some respects.)
90. My hair is long and straight.
91. I learn a lot.
92. I don't like spicey foods.
93. I keep a diary, kinda...Xanga... (Duh.)
94. I can't do cartwheels.
95. I'm very lazy.
96. I'm sarcastic. (Nooo, of course not.)
97. I think my hair is annoying. (Hair where?)
98. I'm very sensitive.
99. I love being "ab-normal".
100. I don't like who/what I am...



Oh, almost forgot.... On the way home from Walmart today, I thought of a few things that, I think, would make the world a better place if everyone did them.
Here are a few examples:

1. Buy flowers for yourself.
2. Learn to appreciate the sky, whether it be clear or stormy.
3. Enjoy the ride, even if you have no idea what the destination is.
4. Listen to music often.
5. Don't drive too fast.
6. Dont' drive too slow.
7. Just get out of my way when I'm on the road. Period.
8. Respect the personal boundaries of others.
9. Develop empathy.
10. Appreciate the simple things, but don't sweat the small stuff.

That's all for now. Toodles.

[	mood	|	melancholy	]
[	music	|	Caetano Veloso - Cucurrucucu Paloma	]

I feel like shit, yay. That may or may not be because I am shit... I have yet to decide.

I've had about 3 hours of sleep in the past 34 hours, my eyes are stinging, and I think I'm developing a migraine. Let's just say that I could really use a hug right now, but that if it came from the wrong person I'd rip their arms off *lol*.
I just feel so helpless sometimes. Mom has taken the liberty of filling out the vast majority of my SFA college application for me, which would be nice if I actually wanted to attend SFA. I think some day soon I'm going to snap and tell my parents everything about me that they don't want to know but ought to. Like... hmm... that I'm unhappy here, for example. Or that I wished I lived far away from them just so I could experience living life without their help. They're leaving for Galveston this weekend, and I honestly think it will be the first time in my life that I have the option of spending an entire 24 hour period completely alone. That's incredibly frightening and depressing to realise.

In other news, one of my bettas (Lilith the female crowntail) committed suicide. I found her dried up corpse on the floor today, as she had apparently leapt to her death. She was the most active of all my fish... I might need to rethink getting lids for my tanks. I bought a new betta today though, before I knew about the suicide. He's solid white with black eyes and a black gill flap. Judging by the small size of his fins, he's pretty young, and therefore might develop spots in the future... but oh well. I like him all the same.
Meet Loel:

[	mood	|	404 mood not found	]
[	music	|	Sting - Moon Over Bourbon Street	]

As a fun little test, I'd like for everyone who reads this to leave a comment. I mean, I've got 500+ hits at this point and I have no idea where it's coming from... Most of you are probably just bored and looking up random blogs, but still. Leave a comment, k?

I'm currently eating a hotdog in a hamburger bun, because we're out of hotdog buns. Generally I use regular white bread in this situation, but I prefer hamburger buns. I prefer any kind of bun. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I really love buns.
I cleaned out all my little betta bowls today, so everyone is happy. I couldn't remember whether or not I had fed Kerubim, the red and white fishy who sits beside my computer, and I think I ended up feeding him twice. His little tummy is huge... I seriously think these guys would eat until they exploded if I'd let them.
Tomorrow I'm going to go check Walmart for new bettas and buy some new rocks and plants (the fake, silk kind) for our new 29 gallon tank. There's no place in town that I know of which sells live saltwater plants, so fake is the only option for now. I really hope everything works out this time... I don't know if I already wrote about it, but we had a 10 gallon saltwater with only three fish and all of them died within a week. Everything was going fine for at least a month, then I bought two new hermit crabs and BOOM, everything went to crap. I don't know what could have gone wrong... the water tested just fine. Perfect ammonia and nitrate levels... nitrite was a little high, but nowhere near the danger zone. Perfect pH and alkalinity as well. I guess maybe the crabs brought a disease with them? Or our cleaning lady (who comes once every two weeks) spilled a small quantity of something into the tank without noticing? I know that last theory sounds silly, but trust me, the woman is dangerous. One time, years ago, I came home to discover that my two pet dwarf mice were dead... she had apparently seen a spider in my room and sprayed it with insect spray...... dangerously close to the mouse cage. The mice were of a variety that were no longer than an inch and a half, so even a small quantity of bug spray was lethal to them. More recently, the cleaning lady (who also cleans the place where my parents work) decided to clean out the bowl of a betta which mom keeps on her desk at work. Unlike past occasions, this fish didn't die because she forgot to add chlorine neutralizer to the water... oh no... this time she refilled his bowl with water from the drinking fountain. Water which happens to be refridgerated. Instant death for a fish which prefers water temperatures of around 76 degrees.
I make a point of cleaning all my fish bowls within a day or two of her visits.

Dad gave me $100 today to buy mom a Mother's Day gift with. That is incredibly awesome, since mom says she doesn't want anything. I'm going to buy her something anyway, of course, but nothing that costs anywhere near $100. She hates getting little trinkets and things that she later has to find a place for, and her taste in jewelry is cheap. Her favourite stone is turquoise, and she hates diamonds. Since I have zero faith in my ability to pick out jewelry or clothing she'd like, I'll probably buy her some nice flowers... or more likely, a potted plant, since for some reason I seem to always buy those. Maybe a pretty birdfeeder as well... something like that. Anyway, I don't anticipate spending more than $50 or $60, and I'll be damned if I'm going to give dad the change, haha. I also have $40 from mom just to buy aquarium supplies. While a few new plants and rocks aren't going to cost nearly that much, knowing me, I'll end up spending the excess on aquarium supplies anyway! Some girls would head immediately for the shoe department when they have money to burn... I, however, head immediately for the pet shop.

[	mood	|	naked	]
[	music	|	Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive	]

I was reading over messages on a random Yahoo group just moments ago, and discovered a thread about raising children in the nudist lifestyle. It seems like only one member supported the idea, and one even went so far as to call it child abuse! How can being raised in a setting where one learns to accept the human body as natural and normal be considered child abuse? It seems like most of these people formed their opinions without even a basic knowledge of the lifestyle. Here in America, we've been taught that the human body is a naughty thing that should be kept covered at all times, and we can't seem to grasp the idea of nudity in a non-sexual context.
In the discussions in the Yahoo group, the member who supported raising children in the nudist lifestyle mentioned that he believed it is a way to teach them to be more comfortable with their bodies, and they actually are less curious about sex because the naked body is not such a taboo. To this, another member replied:

Now... the first sentence just seems silly to me, since children are born nude. If adults weren't allowed to see children nude, how would parents bathe their very young ones? Would mothers be forced to deliver their babies while blindfolded?
As for people seeing nude children as sexual objects... some people see clothed children as sexual objects. Nude or clothed, it doesn't make much difference. Thoughts are not criminal, so long as there's no act. The lesson here is that parents ought to keep a close eye on their children no matter what the situation.
If a child is raised constantly seeing the nude bodies of others, they are not going to be insecure about their own. They will have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. If a child did happen to be insecure, however, it is not as though the person supporting the nudist lifestyle was suggesting that the children be forced into nudity. If they were insecure for whatever reason, they would have the option of wearing clothing if they so chose. I do not disagree with the statement that some will still be curious about sex... but having seen nudity all their lives, they're certainly not curious about the human body!

I'm actually still reading the discussion as I write this, and I found a few more comments by the same person that I would like to address:


Sexual abuse of children takes place a lot more often than most people would like to believe. Regardless of lifestyle, it happens. I was unable to find any statistics (when I tried a Google search I was bombarded by porn sites,) but I have a feeling that being nudist has very little to do with an increased chance of sexual abuse. Maybe I'm wrong, but let me put it this way: none of the sexual abuse victims I know were raised nudist. Hell, one could argue that being raised Catholic increases one's chance of being sexually abused as a child... just look at all those pedophilic priests! Only joking.
[sarcasm]*GASP!* I can't believe those children were exposed to the natural male and female parts! How terrible! They had to see the bits and pieces of others, when they have one variety of those on themselves! It surely must have been traumatic.[/sarcasm] Let's face it, everyone sees things they don't necessarily want to see from time to time. Get over it.
She puked from seeing a penis? I remember when I saw a penis for the first time as a child (dad got out of the shower without realising I was in the bathroom,) and I wasn't repulsed at all. I didn't even understand what I had seen, how could I possibly feel repulsion? I saw a mutilated dog corpse that had been baking in the sun for five days once, and I didn't vomit. Then again, I skinned a cat in my anatomy class and his pelt is now hanging from my bedpost, so I could be atypical. The way her comment is written makes the timeline unclear, but I'm assuming that if her molestation occurred before she saw a "male dick" (do they come in any other variety?) then that might have something to do with her reaction. It also is probably the basis for her opinion on this matter. Not that I'm not sympathetic, but come on... try to look at this with an unbiased mind.
As for ruining innocent children by teaching them that clothes are not necessarily "meant to be worn," one must think back to one's own childhood days... I know that I, as a completely innocent child, didn't see a need for clothing. I didn't like it. In fact, I shed it at every opportunity! Eventually my parents managed to convince me that I needed clothing... but innocent children are, in fact, innocent, and therefore oblivious to the need. If I've learned anything over the years, it's that nothing is ever "point blank wrong". There are at least two sides to every story, and people base their opinions on something. Even if that something is as simple as an idea that they've grown up with, it's still a reason.

For the record, I am not currently a nudist, nor have I ever been. It just seems to me that this nationwide phobia Americans have of the human body has got to stop. We are teaching people that the bodies they naturally possess are dirty and wrong. We seem to think that we should be ashamed of our bodies. I mean, just look at the Janet Jackson ordeal... all that drama over one exposed breast. The rest of the world is not so prudish. In Spain for example, I saw a shampoo commercial aired at noon that included exposed breasts... and so what? Women have them. It's a simple fact. People are not surprised by the knowledge that women have breasts, so why are we so shocked to see them exposed?
Though my body may not be perfect, I am not at all ashamed of it. I am, however, sometimes ashamed to admit that I'm an American... and that is in vast part due to silly social stigmas like this.

I would send this rant to the Yahoo group, but A) I am not a member, B) Yahoo is currently not responding, and C) The group has already agreed to drop the topic in order to avoid argument.

Tonight's rant has been a lovely reminder that some people are incredibly ignorant and intolerant of those different from themselves.

I was thinking that I should change my first name to Vincent and elongate my middle name, Jo, to Josephine (which is what it's short for in the first place.)
I like my name as it is, but Vincent is my favourite semi-normal name, and "Vincent Josephine Simms" just has a really nice ring to it. Also, I think it would be interesting to have a confusingly male name. Most people would probably be shocked to meet a female Vincent. There's a lot of red tape involved in legal name changes, but I'll probably end up doing it sometime in the future.

I like wasting time and effort on completely pointless changes.

[	mood	|	cheerful	]
[	music	|	Amber - This Is Your Night	]

Today was my dad's birthday, so mom and I took him out to eat at Outback, then rented the movie Big Fish and got icecream at Marble Slab. It was nice to have a day where my parents and I spoke but didn't argue, even if mom did try to convince me that I would much rather go to Texas A&M than any silly ol' college in New York. She's not willing to give up and let her little girl ride off into the sunset just yet... but staying in this area four more years would drive me crazy(er.) I'll stay one year at most. Preferably one semester. Actually, I'd prefer to leave tomorrow, but apparently that's not going to be an option.
I really, really wish that I could have what I want and make everyone happy at the same time, but it simply can't be done. I'm sorry guys.

Hahaha, oh God yes.

[	mood	|	morose	]
[	music	|	Paula Cole - Sunny Came Home	]

I should be worried about college. I should be worried about getting a job. But what am I actually worried about? When I'm going to get to see Nis again, that's what.
I can't believe I'm this emotionally attached to a person.... It's frightening and wonderful at the same time.

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, just ask if you're really that curious.

[	mood	|	hungry	]
[	music	|	America - The Last Unicorn	]

Mom woke me up at 8am this morning to inform me that she had just read my letter and we'd talk about it when she got home from work. Apparently dad was the one who had already read it, and mom didn't discover it until today. We didn't end up talking about it though, of course. All she actually said to me was "We don't think you're stupid! I don't know where you came up with that!"
I never said anything like that in my letter, so I don't know where she came up with that.
I did say that I don't think they respect me... and judging by the fact that mom didn't talk to me about any of the main topics, I'd say I'm correct. They either don't respect me or are just completely retarded and don't understand how important of an issue this is. The optimist in me chooses to believe the former.

On an unrelated note, I accomplished a small personal goal today. It was a completely useless goal, but pretty darn cool nonetheless.

Also, I got a cute little serpent starfish for our saltwater tank today. He's spiffy. I wish he were an octopus though, because those are infinitely more awesome. Dad wants to go to Galveston beach soon and try to catch various fish to put in the tank. While I think this is a terrible idea, (I prefer tank-raised fish... it seems cruel to take their freedom from them. Didn't you people see Finding Nemo?!!) I would like a needlefish >.>
One time we went to Galveston and a tiny needlefish got caught in my hair while I was swimming. I saw his dried out corpse as it washed down the shower drain later that day... I felt so bad. I love those little guys.