[	mood	|	melancholy	]
[	music	|	Sounds of the SFA Library	]

Little Cat has disappeared. I haven't seen him in four days. The first day I didn't think anything of it, the second day I was a little worried, the third day I was extremely worried, and now I'm beginning to think that he's not coming home. I'm going by the animal shelter today to see if he has shown up there, but somehow I doubt that an animal found as far out of the city limits as we live is going to end up at the animal shelter. Little Cat is my baby, and this is all I've been able to think about all day. He's probably dead. I don't know what could have happened to him...
We already checked everywhere we could think of around the house, and mom rode around yesterday looking in the ditches to see if he had been hit by a car... he never goes out in the road though, so I doubt that's the case. I think I'll get mom to call all the vet offices in town today and see if any of them have seen a white cat with a black tail, black spot on his rump, and a black patch on his face.

Edit: Tristan and I checked the animal shelter. They had some really cute kittens, but no Little Cat. There was a cat who was white with a black tail, black splotch on his face, and a black spot on his rump who had gotten into a fight with a dog... that gave me hope until I saw him. The second I told mom they had cute kittens, she said "NO!" even though I hadn't asked anything. I suppose that means that if Little Cat is gone, I can't get another cat. I don't know if I could stand that. Right now I don't want another cat, though. I want my cat.

[	mood	|	excited	]
[	music	|	Romeo + Juliet Soundtrack - O Verona	]

My Algebra professor told us a few days ago that she was giving us credit for five extra problems on our test. Considering her shakey English (she's Japanese, I think,) I thought "Oh super, five bonus points!"
...
As it turns out, she really meant five extra problems. Holy crap. 20 bonus points for no reason whatsoever!!! I take back any comment I may have ever made about this class being difficult.
The fish I ordered should be getting here tomorrow or Thursday at the latest. If it isn't here by Zoology Lab time tomorrow I will explode.
Also, I really, really love my perscription migraine medication. Imitrex is a wonderful thing. I was getting a migraine earlier and took some. Normally I'd expect to wake up with the same migraine tomorrow morning with it only having slacked off a tidge... but now, less than two hours after I took the medicine, it's completely gone! Oh how sweet it is.

[	mood	|	okay	]
[	music	|	Concrete Blonde - Bloodletting	]

Lots of fish-related goodies today. Aren't you surprised? I got a new fish a couple of days ago, and I love this little bugger. He's an oscar, and he has so much personality! I bought him as a tankmate for my bichir, and he's only about three inches long now, but later he'll be absolutely massive. We just finished playing a game. It's called "Aristotle (his name) pulls plant out of gravel, Sam puts it back in." I swear to God he's doing it on purpose. He waits until I look away to bite the plant stem and pull it out. At least he and Eligos, the bichir, get along "swimmingly."
Also, my dragon fish/violet goby died yesterday. He was constipated and his stomach ruptured internally. Pretty gross.
I'm going to bid on this in a few hours. So cool!

On to stuff that matters to a few people besides myself... I was late for my Human Sexuality test Friday because it stormed and knocked our electricity off for a while during the night, meaning my alarm clock didn't go off. I woke up at the time I'm normally leaving the house. I got ready to go in less than 15 minutes, and had to stop by Varsity Books to buy a scantron before class. Luckily, I got to park really close, but was still nearly 30 minutes late. Thank goodness the test was easy! I finished 10 minutes early! Our Zoology test was postponed until Friday rather than Monday, which is great for me, because I don't have to study so much this weekend. My Zoology Lab test is still Wednesday, though, and that's a scary thought. Tests and quizzes in that class are way too hard. I took my online Algebra test yesterday, after studying from 6:00PM until 9:00PM. All in all, I was doing math for six hours straight. I made a 73. It sucks when there are problems that can be done multiple ways and there's no way to check if the way you did them is correct. I woke up at 5:40AM that morning after going to bed at 12:30 because I had a dream about doing math. I couldn't got back to sleep, either, and ended up watching The Passion of the Christ for the first time instead. Satan is so incredibly cool looking in that movie; and surprise surprise, he is actually played by a she. Gotta love the whole androgyny thing. Angels are without gender, after all.
Today I went to see Teresa (however you spell that) get a tattoo. Afterwards, she, Tristan, some guy I can't remember the name of, and I went to IHOP, but it was completely full and we had to resort to Taco Bell instead.

Here's your note, David, you skank.

And here's my oscar:

[	mood	|	exhausted	]
[	music	|	Nick Cave - The Weeping Song	]

Blogs are generally made as a place for people to complain and be angsty, so that's what I'm going to use mine for today.
I've had a really bad week, more from internal emotional reasons than anything else. I'm mentally and physically exhausted right now. I haven't been sleeping well lately, and that results in more frequent migraines. I skipped English class on Friday, Monday, and Wednesday. I feel like I'm running behind in everything, and there's a lot I need to get done and not enough time to do it in. I feel trapped in this place and this routine and it's trying to overwhelm me. I don't draw anymore. I don't think anymore. I don't do anything except study, sleep, and do useless shit on the internet in an effort to relax. I have a Human Sexuality test tomorrow, an Algebra test due by midnight tomorrow, a Zoology test Monday, and a Zoology Lab test on Wednesday, which I will probably fail. Today I did a Human Sexuality quiz online, which was easy. I then attempted an online Algebra test which I completely bombed, but I can take it three more times before I'm locked into my failing grade. I haven't had a math class since my sophomore year in high school, and I could have used a little warmup before jumping into the stuff I have never seen before in my life. Sure, we're supposed to be reviewing right now... but I went to Nacogdoches High School, where the teachers prepare us for TAAS only and I didn't learn shit. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm really unhappy here, and I wish I knew of a way to make things change without hurting too many people.

I'll probably be better next week.

[	mood	|	sleepy	]
[	music	|	Silence	]

I missed class. Yet again. I woke up this morning to a smiling alarm clock that read 11:30. It was set for 8:50. It seemed to be saying, "Why, good morning!" in its own smug little way. Why it randomly decides not to go off some days, I may never know. It's a real pity, too, because we were going to study horrible afflictions in Human Sexuality today. All I have left is Zoology, which I'll be leaving for in five minutes.
I'm missing entirely too much class, either from laziness, illness, or that bastard alarm clock of mine. It scares me, because I never had much motivation to begin with and I think I may be losing it. This isn't college, you see... it's another year of high school with harder classes and the ability to leave campus whenever I like. Same town, same people, same boring shit every day. I'm beginning to feel trapped, and I want to throw something into the mix to shake things up.
I miss the mountains. The young, tall, bold ones, not the older weathered ones. I want to go to Colorado and visit them. I miss the mountain air and the elevation. I miss home, too, wherever that is. Oh well. Off to class with me.

[	mood	|	less-than-cryptic	]
[	music	|	Louis Armstrong - What a Wonderful World	]

Some people need to realise that not all bad things that happen to them are the fault of others, and some people need to realise that others still have feelings... even those who try very hard to hide that fact. I need to realise the need to learn to phrase my opinions as opinions.

I'm in a really good mood tonight. It doesn't take much to make me happy, really; just a little procrastination of my responsibilities in order to enjoy the little things. I should be studying or finishing cleaning out my room and getting rid of old unwanting things, but instead I'm writing this and watching my fish. I know I talk about my fish a lot, but people don't understand how much I love these things. These are my babies. My cat and my fish are like my children... I have to ramble about them and show their pictures to complete strangers. When I start putting photos of them in my wallet, I will officially be insane (especially since I have a billfold rather than a wallet.)

Rosie O'Donnell's kid is going to the same school as Nis' kid now. There's a parent meeting tomorrow... I wonder if she'll be there?

[	mood	|	artistic	]
[	music	|	Radiohead - We Suck Young Blood	]

Today, thanks to a thread on The-Spot.net, I started thinking about what I'd like to happen to my body when I die. I long ago decided that I'd like to donate my organs, and that still holds true, since I won't be needing them anyway. At first I figured simple cremation would suffice, but now I've started to wonder. I'm an artist, damnit. Shouldn't my final hurrah be a work of art?
I envision a body lightly wrapped in red linens and preserved in a glass tube filled with honey. Stitches from the organ removal ought to be done with a dark, brown, thick thread and made plainly visible, in a preferably symmetrical pattern. A few bees scattered throughout the honey would be a nice touch, as well as a lovely art nouveau pattern made in gold (as bad as I hate gold, it goes better with the colour of the honey) at the base of the tube and working its way partially up the sides. Something kinda like this. How cool would that be? Art with a dead body. I want to draw it now.

My photobucket account was down when I wrote this, so hopefully it will be back up soon and my website won't look like one giant broken image.

[	mood	|	giddy	]
[	music	|	Sarah McLachlan - Sweet Surrender	]

I didn't have to go to Human Sexuality class today because it was a quiz day. I decided that rather than go to English, waste the hour of Human Sexuality, then go to Zoology, I'd just skip Zoology and read the chapter I'd miss from the book this weekend instead. Same difference, unless he had one of his little 5 point quizzes which don't matter much anyway. I doubt he did, though, because we had one Wednesday.
I went to English and only about six students showed up. It's Friday, after all. Our professor joked about the absent students being so good at English that they didn't even have to show up to class. I like Mr. (Dr.?) Duncan more and more every day.
After English I hung out with Megan for our lunch hour. I didn't eat anything, though, since I had had breakfast only an hour beforehand. On the way to the parking lot, I ran into Z, Billy, Robert, and James. We all stood around and chatted for a while until Billy had to go. Z and I talked about fish while riding the shuttle bus to the commuter lot. Another person who's actually interested in fish, how cool! God, I'm such a geek.

Upon arriving at the parking lot, I made my way to Discovery Realm, a local pet shop, to buy fin rot medication. I was out of it, and I never know when I'll need more. I then went to the other pet shop, The Fish Gallery, only to discover that they don't open until 1:00. I arrived at 12:55. I didn't feel like waiting, so I called up Tristan and we went and had lunch at Ihop and hung out at his house for a while. I returned to The Fish Gallery later with the intention of buying some sort of bottom feeder for the new 5 gallon tank that I bought on Wednesday (I also bought a doubletail female betta that I found at Walmart. I'm sure she was mixed in with the veiltails by mistake. Lucky me!) Instead of a bottom feeder, I found the coolest fish ever. A little baby Senegalus Bichir! He looks almost prehistoric. I couldn't resist, even though his $22.99 price tag nearly broke my wallet. After purchasing my treasure, I went back to Discovery Realm to buy him some frozen bloodworms.
Mom is tired of the saltwater tank because it's in a window and grows algae like mad, so we're going to give all the saltwater fish and critters back to The Fish Gallery next week. I'd be sad, except that this means I can convert that big ol' 29 gallon into freshwater! That will make a nice home for Eligos, as I named the Bichir, for many years to come. Right now he's in the 5 gallon with my doubletail female. He can't stay there long, though, as he'll outgrow it quickly. He'll have my female bettas for tankmates until he gets larger. I'll have to seperate him from the bettas before he's big enough to fit them in his mouth. I'm thinking of buying a common oscar for a tankmate once he's too big for the bettas.
I love him so. He's only about three or four inches long now, but when he gets bigger, I'll feed him babies.

Polypterus senegalus  (Cuvier, 1829)

I'm currently writing from the SFA Library... From an iMac. I fucking hate this thing. I have no idea where anything is and how to work it, and worse yet, I'm trying to do assignments on ilrn.com and only one browser functions with that site and an iMac - Mozilla!! Make the pain stop.
This keyboard is pretty shabby, too. I have to practically beat on the keys to press them down. I hate you, Macintosh.

[	mood	|	loved	]
[	music	|	A Perfect Circle - Rose	]

This is just a quick update while I wait for a Gunbound partner to log online. I had an awesome weekend, which was much needed after starting college at SFA last week. Going to college in the same town I was born and raised in makes me feel like I've fallen into a rut, so I was particularly glad to have something to lift my spirits and shake up the routine. Many thanks.

On Friday I got the chance to talk to an old friend from first grade, Katey, on the shuttle between class and the commuter parking lot. She said something to the effect of, "I've only been going to this school for a week and I already hate it." I don't hate it just yet, but I can easily see that happening in the near future. It's not really the college I have a problem with, it's just this town.

Earlier today, when I was half-asleep, I was thinking of words I really like the sound of (not necessarily the meaning.) I'm weird, I know. Some of my faves were quixotic, dysphoria, faggotry, melancholic, lascivious, catatonic, mitochondria, and Fibonacci. Perhaps this is a peek into my subconscious mind.

[	mood	|	sleepy	]
[	music	|	Filter - Take a Picture	]

College started for me this week, and thus far it's not so bad. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I go to Honors English, Human Sexuality, and Zoology. Wednesdays also include Zoology Lab. Tuesdays and Thurdays include English and Algebra. I love my English class so far, and my professor as well. We read short essays and stories from our book, then discuss them during class and write a paper at the end of the week. The professor, Mr. Duncan, has a good sense of humour and generally keeps things lively. My Algebra teacher has a thick Asian accent, and sometimes it's hard to understand what she's saying. She drones on and on and makes me want to fall asleep, but all math teachers do that, I suppose. Mr. Gibson, my Zoology professor, is the father of my high school Anatomy teacher. He's absolutely insane. It's entertaining, because he's constantly moving when he talks and makes random marks on the board for no reason at all. On the first day, he said, "You'll need books for this class!" and slashed a line across the board. I guess that line was meant to signify books. He does that sort of thing often. Then there's my Human Sexuality teacher, who is very energetic; I still haven't decided if I love him yet, but I certainly think I'll like him. The only teacher I can't stand is the one I have for Zoology Lab. My first impression was that he's a grumpy old crab with a sense of humour similar to that of a block of wood. He's about as exciting to listen to as a block of wood, too.

Today in Human Sexuality, we were asked to take out a sheet of paper, split it in half, and write "male" on one side and "female" on the other. Then, we were to number each side one through three. Beside each number, we listed a body part specific to each gender and circled our favourite term. The papers were then taken up and passed back out to a person besides their original owner so as not to embarrass anyone too badly when the circled words were read aloud. One girl, upon receiving her paper, made the statement that we ought not act like high schoolers and write such dirty words. She thought that the clinical terms would have been best. The professor informed her that she was right... any day but today. Oh no, today was the day when our professor tortured his assistant by making her write every slang term imaginable for genitalia on the board as we called them out one-by-one. As students named terms, the professor repeated them to make sure the assistant could hear and record. Anyone who cared to stop and listen outside our door would have heard something akin to, "Penis? Penis! What else? Do I hear 'yogurt slinger'?! Pink velvet sausage purse!" That was the highlight of my day, right there. The amazing thing was that several papers didn't even have three terms listed. The paper I got handed only included penis, testicles, breast (singular, not plural,) and vagina. Two for each gender. It's not that the person just misheard the instructions either, because there was one empty line numbered three on each side of the paper. How ignorant must you be not to be able to think of at least three terms? Given, it wasn't specified that we could use slang; but even so, I could think of many more than three examples.

During the two hours between Zoology and Zoology Lab, I went to Walmart and bought a female betta. She's so cute, woo! White/flesh tone with little black speckles.

Last night I had a dream. I was a Frenchman, and naked for some reason that I can't seem to remember. I spoke in French, but with English subtitles. A person is not truly insane until they've had a dream with subtitles.