[	mood	|	sleepy	]
[	music	|	Sounds of the SFA Library	]

It was my birthday yesterday, woo. I completely forgot about it until I saw a note that mom had left me. I mean, I knew my birthday was coming up, I just didn't know it was that day. I skipped all my classes (on accident,) because my alarm clock didn't go off. It's ok, though... I'll just consider that my present to myself.
I had a paper to turn in yesterday, which was actually due before Thanksgiving break, but I got to turn it in today, so no harm done. My professor is nice enough not to count off for late papers... which is why almost every paper I've turned in so far has been late. The paper I just turned in was a comparison between the poems "The Toys" and "Little Boy Blue." We had a choice between comparing those two or comparing another pair of poems, but since I couldn't remember what the other pair was, I just went with those two. My paper probably sucked, but what else could be expected when I didn't know what in Hell I was doing and woke up two hours early this morning to write it? I only have two more papers left to write, though; one is about a Robert Frost poem and is due sometime this week, and the other is our final, which is supposed to be about a resolution to some common problem. Examples would include a proposal on how to keep stupid people from voting, or on how to get willfully ignorant people to read a little and get informed. We talked about this in class today, and most of the class suggestions on how to solve these problems involved bribes. It should be a fun paper to write, I think. I might try to come up to a solution for willful ignorance, though I doubt that's even possible. Actually, I might go with my original idea, which was how to make the world a better place through ignorance. The entire paper would be sarcastic, of course, but I think it would be funny to write about how everyone on Earth ought to be kept as ignorant as possible in order to preserve happiness. Ignorance is bliss, after all. Sure, most intelligent people would prefer to remain informed and unhappy rather than become ignorant and blissful -- but once you've become ignorant, you wouldn't know the difference, right?
This conversation in class led to discussion about how much "other" is legally allowed into our foods, and how we're unaware of eating it. By "other," what I mean is "rat and insect parts," among other things. I think coffee is legally allowed to be 10% "other." We told all sorts of horror stories about this... like about the time my grandmother's brother found a whole lizard cooked in with his green beans when he was a kid, and how when he told his mother about it, she just said "don't brag about it or everyone else will want one."

My parents are going to take me out to eat at Auntie Pasta's tonight, and hopefully mom will let me have a Bellini, because those are super. They were going to take me out to eat yesterday for my birthday, but I forgot about it and ended up eating at Taco Bell, so I wasn't hungry at dinner time. I had to return a movie to Hastings and went by Megan's house to let her borrow my Sims 2 CD, so I just went by Taco Bell on the way home. Megan let me borrow her four Hellsing mangas, and I've already read three of them. Hellsing is awesome, you guys.

Edit: OH! And I've finally saved up enough money to split up another 10 gallon fish tank. Now it's just a matter of getting off my butt to buy everything I need. Splitting a big tank is better for the fish, and easier to clean than all my separate little betta bowls. I want to re-split the old tank into just 6 sections instead of 10, because 10 is a bit too small, I think... The new split tank will be 6 sections too, and I want to split up the 5 gallon into 3 sections once I move the oscar and bichir into the 29 gallon. The new tank will be about $50 for the tank, light hood, and filters... then $30-ish for the tank stand... another $30-ish for the custom-cut plexiglass dividers... then when I re-split the old tank and split the 5 gallon, that's another $40 or so for dividers, and I'll have to buy three smaller filters for those tanks too, since the current is two strong for bettas with the filters I have now. Whew, I spend way too much on these fish. When it's all done, though, I'll only have 5 or so separate bowls, and that makes it worth it.

And no, this is not my new computer... this is just something that happened when I was playing around with the Dell customization thingy.

[	mood	|	satisfied	]
[	music	|	Gotan Project - Sufism	]

Oh my, it has been a while since I updated. Despite this, however, I don't really have much in the way of news. Let's see... I wrote my English term paper over why it may be possible to judge people's personalities, to some degree, by their outward appearances. It was supposed to be a research paper, and I wrote a research/argumentative paper, which is probably why I only got a B. Oh well.
I dissected a frog in zoology lab last Wednesday, which was cool. My lab partner and I were careful to choose a male frog, just incase the females were about to lay eggs when they were preserved. If that had been the case, you wouldn't have been able to see anything without removing the ovaries... and if they burst, you'd be stuck removing hundreds of eggs one by one. I cut open the stomach just to see what was inside, and as I did so, my lab partner said "you're going to cut into that and live bees are going to fly out." That made my day. Seriously.
Yesterday we had our Thanksgiving gathering at my aunt's house, like we do every year. My second cousin (I think) was there, and she's 9. I hate kids, I really do. I try to like them, or even just tolerate them, but it doesn't work. Anyway, she played her violin for us; over and over and over. She knew three songs, all of which sounded exactly alike (like the screams of a dying cat.) After lunch, my mom and I went to my grandmother's house to spend the night. I slept for nearly two days straight, because that's all there is to do there. She has satellite TV, but barely, considering how few channels she's subscribed to. Grandmother is also becoming senile as hell. She kept turning the TV up to insane volumes because she couldn't hear it, and asking me and mom if there was anything we wanted (and always elaborated on it... "Are you sure there's nothing you want? No turkey? No tea? You don't want me to open a window?" etc etc.) She never used to ask us things like that because, you know, we kinda know her house well enough to get stuff for ourselves if we want it. She also can't understand some of the simplest of concepts anymore. I seriously hope I die before I enter into a state of almost constant confusion. I love my grandmother, though, even if she's about as sharp as a sack of wet mice. She also gave me a really nice card and $100 for my birthday, w00t! My aunt gave me a pretty cat-shaped lamp thingy... it's a tradition that my aunt and I both get birthday presents on Thanksgiving. My aunt is a Scorpio, and I think her birthday is mid-November-ish, but she gets her gifts from us on Thanksgiving because we usually don't see her on her birthday. I get my gifts from them on Thanksgiving because they probably won't see me again until after my birthday rolls around.
I plan on putting that $100 toward the new computer I just convinced my mom to let me get for Christmas, YES!!! My current computer was supposed to have an AGP slot, which was important because I was planning on buying a great video card for it. Several months later, I looked inside only to discover that it did not, in fact, have the AGP slot the store tag had promised. I think the employee must have grabbed the wrong box for us. It was too late to return the computer, though, so I just had to live with it. Today in the car I was asking mom if I could get a new video card for my computer, and this led to a discussion about the difference between AGP and PCI slot cards. I said I'd have to get a new motherboard in order to have an AGP slot on this comp (that's right, isn't it?) After explaining to mom that we'd have to get the computer worked on for this to happen, she made the mistake of mentioning that I might think about just getting a whole new computer for Christmas instead... and think I did! Today when I got home I checked prices for some nice Dell PCs. I got my laptop through Dell, so I trust them well enough. At first mom said no when she heard that the comp I wanted started at around $750, but then she changed her mind when she remembered that there's a guy renting land from the company dad owns... for $400 a month... $400 which goes into my bank account. I'm also going to try to help pay for it and everything, but considering that any money I have really came from mom in the first place, it's not all that helpful. I wish I could get a job and have 16 hours at college at the same time, but I just don't think I can handle that.
Next semester I'm taking no more than 13 hours.

[	mood	|	mood is on strike today, sorry	]
[	music	|	Sounds of the SFA Library	]

The one time I didn't copy my post before I published it, the page didn't update correctly... ugh. I shall now endeavor to recreate my post as best I can:

I got an A+ on my last English paper, yay! Not only that, but the only comment my professor left was "great paper!" I'm so happyyyy. My one mistake was writing "apparent" with only one p... oops. My term paper is due Friday, and I'm still not completely sure what it's going to be about. I was thinking societal monsters (such as rapists, pedophiles, murderers, etc) portrayed as real people would be a good topic, but who knows. Maybe I'll just write about monkeys.

[	mood	|	okay	]
[	music	|	E Nomine - Morgane Le Fay	]

I'm probably going insane. I'm just sick and tired of playing games with people, and I wish more people wanted to hear the truth. When people ask you "how've you been?" they don't usually want to know the real answer... they expect to hear "oh, just fine, how are you?"
I don't want to answer that anymore, but I'll probably keep on doing it because it's the easiest way out. In truth, I'm not fine. I'm not fine because this country is not fine, these people are not fine, and, as a result, the world at large is not fine. I'm ready to slip back into that oblivion I came from. My own personal land of Nod. I'm ready to escape humanity; but that, of course, is impossible. I don't want to admit that I'm human anymore, just like I've never really wanted to admit that I'm American. I don't want to be living in today's world. Maybe what I'm saying is that I don't want to be living, but at the heart of it that's not true... What I want is to live, but to live in a world that people haven't ruined. I'm not saying this in the "people have ruined mother nature" sort of way... just that people now are not only so out of touch with nature but so out of touch with themselves that they are managing to destroy everything they hold dear, and they're too blind to realise it. They're killing their own children and the children of others, and for what? I just don't want to care anymore. I want to stand back and say to myself, "well, if they're stupid enough to kill one-another, let them at it." I can't do that because I'm one of them, and they're trying to draw me into it. This is what I mean when I say I want to slip away. I don't want to be a part of that anymore. I wish I could be some either apathetic or insentient god floating without form and looking down on the world with uncaring eyes at the troubles of man. How cruel to allow man to make himself like unto god but forbid him his wings and immortality.

Edit: I wish that "okay" smiley mood kitten weren't so... smiley. He's looks way more okay than okay.

Because this post was depressing, here's a kitten:

[	mood	|	cold	]
[	music	|	Sounds of the SFA Library	]

Everything is back to normal after my rant yesterday. I just don't care anymore.

Megan and I are going to see Saw in Longview today, w00t. I have enough time to go home and take care of some things before we leave, so that's good. I need to spend some time with Circe today because I shut her out of my computer room while I was watching a movie last night (so my parents wouldn't be disturbed by the volume of my TV,) and I feel like I'm neglecting her. She still sleeps in my bed and wakes me up at 7:00 AM to be fed. I'm hoping she continues not to like the outdoors much and stays inside at night; that way maybe she won't go missing like Little Cat did.

In other news, I am never taking another 6 hour course ever again. I have to go to my English class every weekday, and I'm doing worse in it than any of my other classes because of that. I'm usually good at English, but I'm just not motivated. I'm burnt out, I guess. It doesn't help that I hate writing papers... or that the internet and my book lied to me about the paper I wrote this week and I actually was supposed to have an introduction after all. Apparently there are many, many ways to go about writing a poetry explication, and I used the wrong one. Oh well, a B- isn't so bad. So long as I don't skip writing any more papers, I ought to be able to pass pretty easily. I do need to attend class more often, though. I skipped two days this week. I forgot why I didn't go on Monday, but I skipped Wednesday because I had two zoology tests (one in lecture, one in lab,) and didn't feel as though I was prepared, so I spent English class time studying for those. Good thing, too. I think I did well.

[	mood	|	nauseated	]
[	music	|	Rammstein - Sonne	]

WTF? No seriously, what. the. fuck. It looks like Bush is going to win the election. I can't believe this. It's hard to describe how I feel right now. I'm supremely disappointed in my country, for one thing, and have decided to disown it like George W. would disown a gay son. I just... I have no words for how completely retarded, narrow-minded, and selfish the American people must be. Are they just not aware that most of the world hates the man they reelected? I've traveled enough to know that that's not just something the media has been feeding us. Other countries really don't like Mr. Bush. They still like the American people though; until now, maybe. Everyone can make a mistake and elect an idiot, but reelecting him?? Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. I'm willing to predict that the American people will soon enough gain the dislike of the world community. I have lost all faith in the American people, and I am one. This is not just more of my typical anti-American jargon. I joke around about disliking my country, but usually I don't mean anything by it... this time, I mean it. If I were having a party, America would not be invited. If America showed up anyway like it probably would because it seems to continually ignore the wishes and opinions of the world community, I would have it kicked out. Honestly, have we all lost our minds?! I know Bush supporters who admit that they think he's stupid, but they voted for him anyway... why?! Why, why why?? They say Bush brings honesty and integrity to the table, but if you believe any politician brings honesty to the table, you ought not be allowed to vote in the first place. You're just too stupid and gullible to make a decision that affects the entire world in such a major way. I just can't believe this. I can't believe it. Until now, I had at least a shred of hope that this country might be something great, but I've lost that. That's gone. America is officially stupid, backwards, and can't see the importance of anything but cash flow. Cash flow and power. Oh, and also safety, because the American people are scared little rats being manipulated to vote for monkeys. That move to Spain or even New Zealand is looking really good right now. I need to get out of this country while I still can.

Edit: Actually, I guess there's hope hope after all... I wouldn't be the slightest bit sad if someone decided to assassinate Bush...

[	mood	|	cheerful	]
[	music	|	Travis - Flowers in the Window	]

I'm going to go vote today. I don't really want to, because it's useless thanks to the electoral college (we all know Bush is going to win Texas anyway,) but if I don't, mom won't stop nagging me for weeks. Some people have been encouraging me, telling me Kerry might win Texas after all... and yeah, anything could happen I suppose, but there's probably a better chance of my head randomly detaching and rolling off my shoulders than of Bush losing Texas. I hate the electoral college. When I'm president, that'll be the first thing to go. I'll make sure to get rid of it before I'm assassinated.
I think people ought to have to take a test before they're allowed to vote. That would keep stupid people from voting for stupid candidates. The test would be over what the candidates' positions are and various related issues, and if you didn't make at least 60%, you'd fail and not be allowed to vote that year. At least maybe that would keep retards from voting for whichever candidate is more attractive...
Also, if I were president (read dictator,) I would make a law stating that candidates can not campaign. Campaigns are all misleading hogwash anyway, so what we need is carefully controlled debates (where the candidates can actually engage one-another, though, not like this year's debates.) What a wonderful world it would be if there were no annoying campaign commericals to fill the peoples' collective mind with drivel. It really pisses me off when, for example, Bush's campaign baically says that, with the kind of support Kerry is offering for stem-cell research, he is pretty much paving the way for human cloning. Come on, people. Human cloning is already illegal no matter what happens with stem-cell research. I don't think anyone with any sense would be in favour of human cloning -- least of all politicians. It also irritates me that Bush keeps saying Kerry is a flip-flopper. Of course Kerry is a flip-flopper... you've got to be retarded to never change your mind. That's all I have to say.
Gonna go get ready for English class now, woo.